The points you bring up I would rather respond to face-to-face either in person or over video, but since I’m not sure when the next opportunity will be, this will have to suffice.
This is the part that made me sad. That was an important part of your emotional growth. A realization that compassion is more than just a feeling or a thought-experiment, and that it has actual physical manifestations, is a milestone. Your compassion is one of the (many) things I find beautiful about you.
Most people in the world still have the emotional intelligence of a 5 year-old. So, go ahead and look at those pictures, but don’t feel shame. Instead look upon them as proof of your becoming a better human. That’s how I felt when you told me the story.
Flaws?
Dyet, have you not seen my videos…lol?
I lose count of my own flaws. And not just physical flaws. I possess plenty of other flaws too. I sometimes suffer from a lack of self-confidence, imposter syndrome, social awkwardness, shyness, and aloofness. And if the previous sentence didn’t clue you in, I also tend to be overly self-critical.
Or are you referring to physical flaws?
We all have those too. I know I have plenty of my own. (Citation: see videos).
Dyet, as you learn more about me, you will realize one extremely important thing: I have never, ever fallen in love with someone’s body; I fall in love with minds. Sure, physical attributes are usually the first things people see, hence the first thing they’re attracted to. But, to me, that’s simply superficial. After that, there has to be something else. And I’m not talking about intelligence or knowledge or education; I’m talking about things like compassion, empathy, kindness, humanity, grace, tolerance, understanding, humility, a desire for growth, a penchant for learning, etc. If those qualities are non-existent, then my interest is non-existent too. Everything else either cannot be changed (and is thus irrelevant), or can be changed through learning.
I stand by what I said earlier though. You really do have beautiful eyes (even if they are only my second-favorite feature of your face).
These things take time, Dyet. This is part of normal human emotional development. Everyone travels their own path in life, and everyone experiences different aspects at different times. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. As long as we’re both honest with each other, we can work through anything and anything is possible.
I read once, “A relationship is more an evolution than an end goal.”. I believe that just as much as I believe its mate, “Life is a journey, not a destination.”.
I will say though: I am never happier than when you do share something with me. Be it a video, or a picture, or even just a statement of how you feel. That. Those moments right there. That is the good stuff, and it causes a warmth to bloom inside me that is pleasant in ways that I never thought possible. I pray that you continue.
I am so here for it.
PS: Thanks for telling me your age too. Not that I look for arguments against ‘us’, but if I had to search my heart and mind for any reservation, it would have been the age gap. But that’s only because I assumed you were 15% younger than you are. Your age is perfect. Young enough to have fun, but old enough for people to take you seriously.
PPS: I am 52.