Dearest Dyet.
First of all, thank you for the lovely video. You truly are a beautiful person, and your words (and my reactions to them) exceeded all my expectations. As I suspected, you look and sound exactly as I imagined. Better, even. Since all I had before were primarily photos, it was so nice to see a living, moving visage. I am not going to be able to adequately describe how I felt seeing you on my screen, but to put it simply, I was moved. The thought that you would do that for me…well, I have no words.
I would like to take this opportunity to address one thing you said in the video: “Where do you get that all from?”
The short answer is: I really don’t know, and I really do know. All of the things I say come from within me of course, but I don’t, you know, usually walk around talking like that. Shane is correct in that my speech elevates rather quickly when the subject turns to something I have strong feelings about, but at the same time, I feel like just a normal guy that normally talks normal and has the same capacity for feelings (and expressing them) as anyone else.
That’s why I made the first videos. So you could see that side of me. I wanted to show you that I’m just me. I simply wanted to make it clear that I was neither a hipster with a man bun, puka shell necklace, and Birkenstocks (with socks) playing bongos, nor was I a college professor wearing a houndstooth jacket with leather elbow patches puffing on a pipe full of lightly-flavored tobacco. I am somewhere in-between, I guess.
Everything I have said or felt is inherent to me and comes from within me, but it does have a stimulus, namely you. I know you might not understand it, but you are awe-inspiring to me. And when I think about you and write about you, poesy comes as naturally as breathing. I may grab a thesaurus every once in a while, but all else is simply a result of my feelings towards you.
On another subject…
I didn’t have a very nice childhood. Dysfunctional is the most polite term to describe it. Because of it, existentialism has always appealed to me. The existence of fate and the idea that there lie deeper meanings behind the realities that we all share, those things have never really held much weight with me.
Now, try to imagine last night. It started simply enough. I was sitting there staring off into space trying to figure out why your outfit from yesterday was so terribly appealing to me. Then I realized there was an interplay between your cheeks and your shirt. But that wasn’t all there was. At the very moment that I saw the connection between your face, your shirt, and the flowers that I bought simply for the fact that they reminded me of you, this message arrived:
What happened at that moment was like being hit in the head with a towel-wrapped sledgehammer. I don’t pretend to know your deepest feelings on this matter, but when things like this occur, I get the sense that there is something more profound at play than a mere mutual attraction between two adult minds. Now, whether there is, or whether this is simply a beautiful coincidence that naturally occurs between two people whose ‘frequencies’ have aligned, I don’t profess to know. Either way, the end result is the same. It’s enough to make my skeptical side waver.
At the end of the day, though, I am a hopeless romantic, yet I have never had these thought patterns or feelings before. I’m still processing them, but one thing is abundantly clear already.
You are really special, and you are really special to me.